- It’s over in China. We have nothing to worry about.
- I hear it’s in Italy now. Those poor guys.
- They say it’s in New York now. Really? Huh…
- There are a couple cases in California. They say it’s only affecting old people and those with health complications. Let’s go to Golden Corral.
- How is this different from the flu? Did you get tickets that concert?
- Things are getting really bad in New York they say. Let’s get out of here and go to a city where there aren’t any reports of Covid-19.
- I think the media is making too much of this. People die of the flu every year.
- Fake news!
- I feel just fine. I think I’ll go to that event where there’s just 100 people or less, but first I have to stop by Walmart.
- Gee, where’s all of the Lysol and alcohol? Oh well, I’ll stop by CVS to get it on the way home.
- What? They shut Italy down? That’s crazy. That’s not going to happen here, because we’re America, and America is great.
- Our president said that there’s nothing to worry about so I’m not going to worry about it. Fuck Anderson Cooper!
- Fuck Sean Hannity!
- Fuck Trump!
- Fuck Obama! (What? He’s not even in office.)
- Aliens are coming in April.
- Wait, New York is under curfew? No way! I’m glad I don’t live there! I’d better swing by Walgreens and see if they have some toilet tissue…maybe some wipes too.
- They’re cancelling the NBA games? This must be serious.
- Not March Madness! Come on, man!!!
- Maybe next year, Tiger.
- Damn. I know those Olympians are pissed, but what are you going to do?
- It’s only happening in the larger cities because they’re overpopulated and dirty.
- They say it’s airborne with no cure. I’ll just take the first-class flight to be safe.
- I heard the military dispatched a train full tanks for the homeless, not us.
- They’re brining in two Navy hospital ships…for non-Corona Virus patients, but they say you shouldn’t get tested if you don’t have any symptoms, so…
- Stay at home because you can still be a carrier if you don’t have any symptoms!
- They’re also building tent hospitals…for non-Corona Virus patients. Wait…they now say it’s for Corona Virus patients.
- Tom Hanks and his wife have it? Isn’t he a Democrat? It’s a hoax.
- Somehow, Trump is benefiting from this. It’s a conspiracy.
- Stay at home? Bitch please, I’m on vacation!
- They’re closing all businesses? Wow. Guess I’ll go to the beach.
- Guess I’ll go to the mall.
- I bet cruises are running pretty cheap. I should book a trip.
- The airlines are hurting. I wonder if there are any deals?
- The stock market is the lowest I’ve ever seen. What can I buy?
- It just got real. The president is issuing a 14-day mandatory quarantine order. Guess I’ll go to the store and really stock up.
- Oh my god, the shelves are empty!!! Where’s all the chicken and toilet tissue?!?!
- There’s a report of “x” number of Covid-19 cases in my state.
- Essential workers are suddenly (and finally) recognized and appreciated.
- I’ve been laid off. How am I going to pay my bills?
- I still have to work in all of this mess. These motherfuckers…
- Does Walmart deliver?
- My ___ still has to work in all of this mess. Motherfuckers…
- If I keep washing my hands, I’ll kill a virus that has no cure.
- Someone in my town has just been diagnosed with the Corona Virus. It’s here. Lord have mercy.
Written by Zorina Frey
Feature Photo by Cottonbro
You Can’t Make This Sh*t Up Journal
A Record of Incredible Shenanigans
That I May or May Not Have Engaged in and/or Witnessed
The English print on this custom leather-like graphic design and matte paperback finishing offers a blend of old-world charm and modern flair. Use this notebook as a daily planner or journal. This novelty journal with white lined pages makes a great gift and is sure to be appreciated by writers and anyone with a busy schedule.
- Paperback: 149 pages
- Language: English
- ISBN-13: 978-1700068170
- Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.3 x 8.5 inches
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