1. It’s over in China. We have nothing to worry about.
2. I hear it’s in Italy now. Those poor guys.
3. They say it’s in New York now. Really? Huh…
4. There are a couple cases in California. They say it’s only affecting old people and those with health complications. Let’s go to Golden Corral.
5. How is this different from the flu? Did you get tickets that concert?
6. Things are getting really bad in New York they say. Let’s get out of here and go to a city where there aren’t any reports of Covid-19.
7. I think the media is making too much of this. People die of the flu every year.
8. Fake news!
9. I feel just fine.  I think I’ll go to that event where there’s just 100 people or less, but first I have to stop by Walmart.
10. Gee, where’s all of the Lysol and alcohol? Oh well, I’ll stop by CVS to get it on the way home.
11. What? They shut Italy down? That’s crazy. That’s not going to happen here, because we’re America, and America is great.
12. Our president said that there’s nothing to worry about so I’m not going to worry about it. Fuck Anderson Cooper!
13. Fuck Sean Hannity!
14. Fuck Trump!
15. Fuck Obama! (What? He’s not even in office.)
16. Aliens are coming in April.
17. Wait, New York is under curfew? No way! I’m glad I don’t live there! I’d better swing by Walgreens and see if they have some toilet tissue…maybe some wipes too.
18. They’re cancelling the NBA games? This must be serious.
19. Not March Madness! Come on, man!!!
20. Maybe next year, Tiger.
21. Damn. I know those Olympians are pissed, but what are you going to do?
22. It’s only happening in the larger cities because they’re overpopulated and dirty.
23. They say it’s airborne with no cure. I’ll just take the first-class flight to be safe.
24. I heard the military dispatched a train full tanks for the homeless, not us.
25. They’re brining in two Navy hospital ships…for non-Corona Virus patients, but they say you shouldn’t get tested if you don’t have any symptoms, so…
26. Stay at home because you can still be a carrier if you don’t have any symptoms!
27. They’re also building tent hospitals…for non-Corona Virus patients. Wait…they now say it’s for Corona Virus patients.
28. Tom Hanks and his wife have it? Isn’t he a Democrat? It’s a hoax.
29. Somehow, Trump is benefiting from this. It’s a conspiracy.
30. Stay at home? Bitch please, I’m on vacation!
31. They’re closing all businesses? Wow. Guess I’ll go to the beach.
32. Guess I’ll go to the mall.
33. I bet cruises are running pretty cheap. I should book a trip.
34. The airlines are hurting. I wonder if there are any deals?
35. The stock market is the lowest I’ve ever seen. What can I buy?
36. It just got real. The president is issuing a 14-day mandatory quarantine order. Guess I’ll go to the store and really stock up.
37. Oh my god, the shelves are empty!!! Where’s all the chicken and toilet tissue?!?!
38. There’s a report of “x” number of Covid-19 cases in my state.
39. Essential workers are suddenly (and finally) recognized and appreciated.
40. I’ve been laid off. How am I going to pay my bills?
41. I still have to work in all of this mess. These motherfuckers…
42. Does Walmart deliver?
43. My ___ still has to work in all of this mess. Motherfuckers…
44. If I keep washing my hands, I’ll kill a virus that has no cure.
45. Someone in my town has just been diagnosed with the Corona Virus. It’s here. Lord have mercy.

 

Written by Zorina Frey

Feature Photo by Cottonbro

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You Can’t Make This Sh*t Up Journal

A Record of Incredible Shenanigans

That I May or May Not Have Engaged in and/or Witnessed

The English print on this custom leather-like graphic design and matte paperback finishing offers a blend of old-world charm and modern flair. Use this notebook as a daily planner or journal. This novelty journal with white lined pages makes a great gift and is sure to be appreciated by writers and anyone with a busy schedule.

• Paperback: 149 pages
• Language: English
• ISBN-13: 978-1700068170
• Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.3 x 8.5 inches

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