If You Want to Be Married to Me [Poetry]

When I married him he told me “If you want to be married to me, you have to quit smoking.”

So I quit.

When I married him he had just completed an MBA and told me, “If you want to be married to me, you have to have a masters degree.”

So I enrolled in graduate school.

When I married him he told me, “If you want to be married to me, you have to be thin.”

So I went on a diet.

He had several tanks of tropical fish and when I married him he told me “If you want to be married to me, you have to know about tropical fish.”

So I learned.

He loved classical music and when I married him he told me “If you want to be married to me, you have to love classical music.”

So I listened to it.

He had two birds and two turtles and when we got married he told me “If you want to be married to me, you have to take care of my pets.”

So I fed the turtles and cleaned the bird cages.

He had long sleeved white cotton shirts that he wore to work, and when we got married he told me “If you want to be married to me, you have to iron my shirts.” My mother had always sent my father’s shirts to the cleaners.

I grumbled, but I did it.

I loved to write poetry and tried to share it with him, but when I married him he told me, “If you want to be married to me, you have to stop writing all that poetry.” I said, “You know what? I don’t have to stop writing poetry because I don’t want to be married to you. . . . . anymore! So there!”