Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me!

I have no one to spend my birthday with. I hide away from society as though I am a bear in hibernation. Still, I took the bus to pick up my groceries and a chocolate cake. The streets are empty. It is eerie and spooky and people look at each other with mistrust. They wear masks and stay away from each other, their eyes on the floor no longer any human contact.

The man on television goes on about staying indoors. I find it all too confusing. It causes me anxiety as I sweat listening to it. The TV is my only friend as most of them have passed away now: George, Betty and Alfred all gone.

I potter around the home wondering around trying to remember what I wanted to do. I think it was a cup of tea I wanted to make as I hear a kettle whistles downstairs. My legs are slow like a snail. Age comes more quickly now. This year has flown by.

My birthday today is no different from before. In this lockdown, other people swear and complain though they don’t realize how lucky they are to have someone in their life. I have kind neighbors. They come to visit and ask whether milk or eggs are needed. Although no one knows it is my birthday today.

For me, everyday is in isolation. I never married. That is a regret of mine. But I did date and meet loads of people though the right person never came along. I can’t seem to trust people. The childhood trauma of my father shouting at me and hitting me is still embedded in my mind.

I remember my mother, the one who truly loved and cared for me. I cut my cake into pieces and think of her as though she was here celebrating with me. I pick up the telephone and start to talk to her.

I do this every year as though she is alive.

Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me!

Written by Tavinder New – Dagenham, Essex, United Kingdom

Feature Photo by PizPoetry

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